Pretty, shiny things are hazardous to your health.
This is because the Law of Attraction is multiplied 100x once you look at them
Hobbits state the overly obvious
Chocolate is nonexistent in Middle-Earth.
Arwen stole Glorfindel's horse.
Beer and Tobacco seem to have a beneficial effect on hobbits
Never make fires in questionable caves
Kick a troll, and your foot will break
Elvish accents are low and whispery
Never sleep in a boat if your Dad is a Pyromaniac
Don't give twins the exact same name
Imitating voices can come in handy
Running at your brother with a sword and shouting at him in old-fashioned language will get you a big time-out
Really, really big dogs are very useful
Being good at riddles can save your life
Giant spiders freak out elves big-time
Elrond should have pushed Isildur into the crack of doom
Sauron once got pwned by a girl
If you insult any of Tùrin's female relatives, you will find yourself impaled on a rock at the bottom of a raging river.
Speaking of which, do not marry blonde women with amnesia. You never know how closely related you might be.
Law of physics: If you kill a Balrog, you will be killed too.
Ëarendil was the first astronaut
Never look dragons in the eye
Legolas is NOT blonde
Elves have the amazing ability to make up songs spontaneously
Don't ask Gandalf questions when he's grumpy
You do not want to make Gandalf mad.
Watching a Maia spirit dance will cost you about 100 years of your life.
The Elessar looks like an American Airforce badge
There are surprising similarities between the movie-version Elrond and Spock.
The eagles always did provide a convenient Deus ex machina
Never laugh at live dragons
Beware of hospital workers who talk way too much
The favorite color of most elves is grey.
There is such thing as a red-headed elf (YAY!)
Locking up your daughter in a tree house and expecting her to stay there is just simply naïve.
Make sure your master is mentally healthy before you swear fealty to him
Saruman does not need a microphone
Nargothrond snipers can (apparently) see an insignia on a tiny ring from ten yards away.
According to Fëanor, the war of the Silmarils was Galadriel's fault.
Female Noldorin elves with shiny gold hair are most likely telepaths.
Smiths. Are. Insane. (ex. Fëanor, Eöl, Sauron, Maeglin )
Cìrdan is the only elf with a beard.
Bilbo has the best sense of humor ever
Elves can count reeaaaaally fast.
Having seven sons in a row is not necessarily good luck.
A white cat is even worse luck than a black one.
A shiny object about an inch in diameter caused the destruction of the kindom of Doriath.
Hùrin got jynxed. his "aurë entuluvas" only ended up with his family being cursed
Don't speak Quenya in King Thingol's presence.
If you ever meet Miriel Serindë, make sure you pronounce the 's' like a 'p'. If you don't , you will get a five hour lecture on the values of archaic consonant forms.
Dwarves hoard secret recipes
There are more parallels between Gandalf and The Doctor than you think.
Before you discuss confidential information, check to make sure no one is trimming grass under the windowsill.
The word "holiday" means something else to Bilbo.
Singing wildly while dancing on top of a table is not exactly a good idea.
If you see big green mounds with bits of stone sticking out of them like teeth...get as FAR AWAY from them as possible before nightfall.
Try not to separate from your friends, especially in heavy fog.
Knowing how to write songs makes you beloved amongst the elves.
Fëanor and his sons are possibly the cleverest (yet dumbest) elves in Arda.
Do not stare at the flickering lights in the dead marshes.... or else you will become like THEM.
Gender bias cost Sauron his most trusted servant. (a.k.a. the Witch-King of Angmar)
IF guys in black hoods riding black horses start sniffing around your neighborhood... take that as a sign that it's time to move.
Even Fat dragons gan pack a punch.
It is a good skill to distinguish between numbers 30 and 31.
Everyone in Middle-Earth writes their 'a' s with three dots above it.
The orc sergeant in Mordor has a very limited insult vocabulary
Shiny glass balls can drive you crazy
Gollum has severe vitamin D deficiency
and 500 years in a cave didn't improve his grammar either
If you happen to see an elf, a dwarf, and a man in the Riddermark, try to take it as a maybe/ maybe not situation.
Never trust young men who simply cannot take constructive criticism.
Be very, very suspicious if 13 dwarves suddenly invite themselves to your house and seem to know exactly what is in your pantry.
There are several meanings hidden in "good morning!"
Be sure to compliment a forest whenever you enter it.
The more tragic your death, the more it will be sung about.
Elves sleep with their eyes open.
In The Silmarillion, Eru gave the Men "strange gifts". I am positive that facial hair is one of them.
Keep Fëanor away from flammable substances.
to Mandos, it's pretty obvious where Gil-Galad dwelleth now.