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September 21, 2009
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Pretty, shiny things are hazardous to your health.

This is because the Law of Attraction is multiplied 100x once you look at them

Hobbits state the overly obvious

Chocolate is nonexistent in Middle-Earth.

Arwen stole Glorfindel's horse.

Beer and Tobacco seem to have a beneficial effect on hobbits

Never make fires in questionable caves

Kick a troll, and your foot will break

Elvish accents are low and whispery

Never sleep in a boat if your Dad is a Pyromaniac

Don't give twins the exact same name

Imitating voices can come in handy

Running at your brother with a sword and shouting at him in old-fashioned language will get you a big time-out

Really, really big dogs are very useful

Being good at riddles can save your life

Giant spiders freak out elves big-time

Elrond should have pushed Isildur into the crack of doom

Sauron once got pwned by a girl

If you insult any of Tùrin's female relatives, you will find yourself impaled on a rock at the bottom of a raging river.

Speaking of which, do not marry blonde women with amnesia. You never know how closely related you might be.

Law of physics: If you kill a Balrog, you will be killed too.

Ëarendil was the first astronaut

Never look dragons in the eye

Legolas is NOT blonde

Elves have the amazing ability to make up songs spontaneously

Don't ask Gandalf questions when he's grumpy

You do not want to make Gandalf mad.

Watching a Maia spirit dance will cost you about 100 years of your life.

The Elessar looks like an American Airforce badge

There are surprising similarities between the movie-version Elrond and Spock.

The eagles always did provide a convenient Deus ex machina

Never laugh at live dragons

Beware of hospital workers who talk way too much

The favorite color of most elves is grey.

There is such thing as a red-headed elf (YAY!)

Locking up your daughter in a tree house and expecting her to stay there is just simply naïve.

Make sure your master is mentally healthy before you swear fealty to him

Saruman does not need a microphone

Nargothrond snipers can (apparently) see an insignia on a tiny ring from ten yards away.

According to Fëanor, the war of the Silmarils was Galadriel's fault.

Female Noldorin elves with shiny gold hair are most likely telepaths.

Smiths. Are. Insane. (ex. Fëanor, Eöl, Sauron, Maeglin )

Cìrdan is the only elf with a beard.

Bilbo has the best sense of humor ever

Elves can count reeaaaaally fast.

Having seven sons in a row is not necessarily good luck.

A white cat is even worse luck than a black one.

A shiny object about an inch in diameter caused the destruction of the kindom of Doriath.

Hùrin got jynxed. his "aurë entuluvas" only ended up with his family being cursed

Don't speak Quenya in King Thingol's presence.

If you ever meet Miriel Serindë, make sure you pronounce the 's' like a 'p'. If you don't , you will get a five hour lecture on the values of archaic consonant forms.

Dwarves hoard secret recipes

There are more parallels between Gandalf and The Doctor than you think.

Before you discuss confidential information, check to make sure no one is trimming grass under the windowsill.

The word "holiday" means something else to Bilbo.

Singing wildly while dancing on top of a table is not exactly a good idea.

If you see big green mounds with bits of stone sticking out of them like teeth...get as FAR AWAY from them as possible before nightfall.

Try not to separate from your friends, especially in heavy fog.

Knowing how to write songs makes you beloved amongst the elves.

Fëanor and his sons are possibly the cleverest (yet dumbest) elves in Arda.

Do not stare at the flickering lights in the dead marshes.... or else you will become like THEM.

Gender bias cost Sauron his most trusted servant. (a.k.a. the Witch-King of Angmar)

IF guys  in black hoods riding black horses start sniffing around your neighborhood... take that as a sign that it's time to move.

Even Fat dragons gan pack a punch.

It is a good skill to distinguish between numbers 30 and 31.

Everyone in Middle-Earth writes their 'a' s with three dots above it.

The orc sergeant in Mordor has a very limited insult vocabulary

Shiny glass balls can drive you crazy

Gollum has severe vitamin D deficiency

and 500 years in a cave didn't improve his grammar either

If you happen to see an elf, a dwarf, and a man in the Riddermark, try to take it as a maybe/ maybe not situation.

Never trust young men who simply cannot take constructive criticism.

Be very, very suspicious if 13 dwarves suddenly invite themselves to your house and seem to know exactly what is in your pantry.

There are several meanings hidden in "good morning!"

Be sure to compliment a forest whenever you enter it.

The more tragic your death, the more it will be sung about.

Elves sleep with their eyes open.

In The Silmarillion, Eru gave the Men "strange gifts". I am positive that facial hair is one of them.

Keep Fëanor away from flammable substances.

to Mandos, it's pretty obvious where Gil-Galad dwelleth now.
I saw the "71 things learned from dr. who" one, and I just had to do one for tolkien. Some of these even made me laugh. Hopefully they make sense, and hopefully you enjoy.

EDIT: Vote for your favorite one!!!!! i :heart: messages. The top ten will be put in bold!


Edit again: Okay okay, I've gotten about three comments now on the "Pronounce SerindŽ like PerindŽ" about how it should be pronounced "TherindŽ" because it was a thorn letter instead of a P, This deviation was submitted a long time ago and now I know from reading PoME. Please do not comment again on it.
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:iconellosse:
Ellosse Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
"Fëanor and his sons are possibly the cleverest (yet dumbest) elves in Arda."

That was my favorite. So true, so true. 

"Hobbits state the overly obvious" was great, too, and "Law of physics: If you kill a Balrog, you will be killed too." And "
Locking up your daughter in a tree house and expecting her to stay there is just simply naïve."

And "Make sure your master is mentally healthy before you swear fealty to him."

And "
Keep Fëanor away from flammable substances."

And "
Having seven sons in a row is not necessarily good luck."

"A white cat is even worse luck than a black one."

And yes, smiths are definitely insane. Especially Feanor.

Thank you, thank you!
Reply
:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Ahh you're welcome! These were super fun to come up with :D
Reply
:iconellosse:
Ellosse Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'll bet they were! :D
Reply
:iconfargreencountry:
fargreencountry Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014
Amazing!
Reply
:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
Than you! Tolkien is one wise guy
Reply
:iconnutcase9:
Nutcase9 Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2014  Student General Artist
If Elrond had just shoved Isildur in, things would've been so much better . . . Gollum would've had better grammar for one thing :p
Reply
:iconhannahalmare:
HannahAlmare Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
"Locking up your daughter in a tree house and expecting her to stay there is just simply naÔve." <- That's the best one, I think! :D
Though these two are also hilarious: "Arwen stole Glorfindel's horse." and "Law of physics: If you kill a Balrog, you will be killed too." :)

Could you explain these two: "A white cat is even worse luck than a black one." and "It is a good skill to distinguish between numbers 30 and 31." I don't seem to get them... :/
Reply
:iconellosse:
Ellosse Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is probably way too late, but the cat one refers to Queen Beruthiel, the wife of a king of Gondor. She had nine black cats, which she used to spy upon the Gondorians, and one white cat, which was used to spy upon the other cats. She was hated for this and the cats were considered bad luck.

She's one of the characters I just can't bring myself to pity at all. 

And I, I am sorry to say, have no idea what the 30 and 31 means. Sorry!
Reply
:iconhannahalmare:
HannahAlmare Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014
Thanks!
I do remember Beruthiel (I actually like her name) and her cats... As a matter of fact, Tolkien hated cats... ;-)
Reply
:iconellosse:
Ellosse Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome! :D
I know. The one and only problem with him. I love cats myself.
Reply
:iconhannahalmare:
HannahAlmare Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2014
I like cats, they're kind of cute, but I don't think I could have one myself. I think I'm more of a dog person. I've never owned either, though I did have a friend's golden retriever for three months twice when her family left the country. ;)
Thinking of it, I think I'm a rat person. I adore rats. :) But I don't have one at this moment. I used to have one years ago, while my sister's on her third now. I love playing with the little rascal.
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:iconellosse:
Ellosse Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I like dogs too. But cats are my fav.

I can see why rats are neat; they're very intelligent and charming. But it's very hard to get away from the medieval image of rats spreading diseases and sickness. A perfect example of bias, now that I think about it!
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:iconhannahalmare:
HannahAlmare Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2014
My mum used to hate rats, but my friends got a rat years ago, and my dad liked it, and then I got some mice, and only then a rat. :) Apparently, rats are as intelligent as dogs. I never managed with mine (not enough patience, I guess), but it's possible to teach them tricks and all. :)
Reply
:iconellosse:
Ellosse Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I would never have the patience, actually... ;)
Reply
:iconevermist352:
Evermist352 Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Lizzie: Okay so.. "Elrond should've pushed Isildur into the Cracks of Doom." And "Gender Bias cost Sauron his best servant." Those are definitely the best!
Reply
:iconask-femkorea:
Ask-FemKorea Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013  Student Filmographer
"There is a red headed elf!"

I love Maedhros XD
Reply
:iconkatara314:
katara314 Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Nerdanel too.
Reply
:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I KNOWRITE
Reply
:iconask-femkorea:
Ask-FemKorea Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013  Student Filmographer
EXACTLY
Reply
:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
IKNOWRITE
Reply
:iconask-femkorea:
Ask-FemKorea Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2013  Student Filmographer
I wanna hug him
Reply
:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
:hug:
Reply
:iconask-femkorea:
Ask-FemKorea Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Student Filmographer
I can't decide; I need help:

Elrohir
Or
Elladan

XDD
Reply
:iconlilithlieloveheart:
LilithLieLoveHeart Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist
this made me smile lol thank you!
:heart:
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:iconaskfi:
askFi Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012
*OOC: Running at your brother with a sword and shouting at him in old-fashioned language will get you a big time-out.

That made me laugh so hard, even though I don't really get it (I feel sad admitting that). (Do you mind explaining?) I also liked Gollum has severe vitamin D deficiency. This was defiantly one the most hilarious things I've read.*
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:iconkatara314:
katara314 Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's a Silmarillion reference. After Feanor got into an argument with his half-brother Fingolfin, (caused by lies of Melkor), Feanor drew his sword and chased Fingolfin, saying his sword was sharper than Fingolfin's tongue. For this, he was banished from Tirion for about a decade.
Reply
:iconerzsebet91:
erzsebet91 Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2012
Could I translate this in Italian? With a link to the original of course?
Reply
:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Of course! :D
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:iconerzsebet91:
erzsebet91 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012
Thank you!
Reply
:iconbabylon2260:
Babylon2260 Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2012
My favorite one has to be FŽanor and his sons are possibly the cleverest (yet dumbest) elves in Arda. This couldn't be more true!

My other favorite is Elrond should have pushed Isildur into the crack of doom. I can see movie-Elrond daydreaming about it and wishing he did, for some reason...

"Cast it into the fire...or I will cast you in with it!" :XD:
Reply
:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Yeah. And then he could have just said that he fell in by himself, like Gollum... but noooo, we need PLOT! Excited for the Hobbit to come out though, I swear I've been waiting for six years ever since they hinted at it...
Reply
:iconhallosse:
hallosse Featured By Owner May 25, 2012  Student General Artist
Ahhh! So funny - and I love the one about Sauron getting pwned. *snork*
Reply
:iconim-a-cat99:
im-a-cat99 Featured By Owner May 2, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Gandalf and The Doctor- BFFs. :D

Deus ex machina. When those Eagles came in I had to do a double-take. XD

This is amazing :la:
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:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Glad you like! :D
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:iconim-a-cat99:
im-a-cat99 Featured By Owner May 5, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:meow:
Reply
:iconmissravenrose:
MissRavenRose Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I adore: There are more parallels between Gandalf and The Doctor than you think.
Because there are. Didn't River say: "I hate good wizards in fairytales. They always tur out to be him."
But my favourite is: Make sure your master is mentally healthy before you swear fealty to him
Reply
:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Hahaha I did this even before Series 5 came out but when it did I was delighted by all the fairy-tale references, I even did a pic on it
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2012
Lol these are hilarious. :D I loved "Smiths. Are. Insane." and the "Don't give twins the exact same name" one. :rofl: (Though Mahtan apparently also had a beard. XD)
Reply
:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Really? I don't remember seeing that anywhere, but it's come up a couple times... :suspicion:
Reply
:iconkngfishergrl:
Kngfishergrl Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2011
"Elrond should have pushed Isildur into the crack of doom."

Much as I love Aragorn... I had the exact same thought running in my head when I was was watching the movie.
Reply
:iconerzsebet91:
erzsebet91 Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2011
XDXD very funny!
Reply
:iconzireael07:
Zireael07 Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I Laughed Out Loud. Brilliant!
Reply
:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconnerwen20:
Nerwen20 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2011
The last one...I must say, I NEVER thought of that!!

But I didn't really get the 30/31 bit :p
Reply
:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Oh that one's from Children of Hurin. It's when Nienor sneaks to the other side of the river disguised as a soldier to join her Morwen, and Morwen says, (paraphrased version by me) "Hold it! There's something fishy here! There were thirty soldiers who on the other side of the river, and now there are thirty-one! What happened?!" I was wondering if she really did count every single one of them.
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:iconnerwen20:
Nerwen20 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2011
Oh haha now I understand. Maybe Thingol told her that he'd send thirty soldiers with her, and she thought one of them looked a bit short and skinny for a man? ;)
Reply
:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Well, it said that she was unusually tall and strong for a girl, so it worked well until her mother decided to actually COUNT all the soldiers!
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:iconnerwen20:
Nerwen20 Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2011
HAHA! :D Though I still think she could not have been 'quite' as strong as the soldiers ;)
Reply
:iconloudskies:
LoudSkies Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
"Never sleep in a boat if your Dad is a Pyromaniac" and "Saruman does not need a microphone". A clever one was "Gollum has severe Vitamin D deficiency". Oh my god, could I please translate this into some other language? (Of COURSE I would link back to this) Because this is really funny. By 'other language' I meant Russian, if you want, of course. :+fav:
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:icontomato-bird:
tomato-bird Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Sure! If that would help more people access it. Be sure to let me know when you get around to doing it, I'd love to see it in Russian!
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